An Ideal Ex-boyfriend - Day 8

Date: 2010-08-10, 11:04PM CDT
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For most of my adolescence, I didn't date. My reasoning was that dating resulted, inevitably, in having either a wife or an ex-girlfriend, and I had no interest in procuring either. At some point, however, I realized that exes have a certain dubious appeal. I've also realized that a fair portion of my own cachet is as a potential ex-boyfriend.

To begin with, I take a breakup very well. I tend to conflate relationships with jobs, and I consider myself an at-will employer. I don't need two weeks notice; if you're out, you're out, and I don't really care that much why. I mean, I care, but if you don't feel like telling me, or as often seems the case, haven't quite worked it out, I don't really mind.

I tend to stay on good terms, which is good, because being single doesn't make your stuff less heavy if you need help moving. I have a big car and I can lift all but the largest items of IKEA furniture without help. I accept payment in beer.

I'm cautious and ambivalent enough about casual sex that you don't even have to worry about getting drunk around me.

And, maybe most importantly, I don't hang around indefinitely. An ex-boyfriend is a pleasant enough accessory for a while, but eventually most people want to move on. The fact that your reasons for breaking up with me will tend to be the opposite of the things that annoy you about your next boyfriend means that he won't like me very much. That's as good an excuse as any to politely drift apart.

Seriously, it's a good deal. Ask any number of bespectacled girls in the service industry around the city.

Hi. I'm Dan. I'm probably free this Friday.

* Location: Suburban Minneapolis
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

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