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The Project is on hold until further notice.
Hi. I'm Dan. I have plans this Friday
- Location: Suburban Minneapolis
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 | |
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Hi-date-us - Day 49 - 29 (Suburban Minneapolis)
Date: 2010-09-22, 1:59AM CDT
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The Project is on hold until further notice.
Hi. I'm Dan. I have plans this Friday
PostingID: 1967000463
Reply To This Post
The Project is on hold until further notice.
Hi. I'm Dan. I have plans this Friday
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Lessons - Day 48
Date: 2010-09-21, 2:08AM CDT
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The best you can hope from your love life, until you find the one that sticks, is to learn something from the flaming wreckage of every relationship. You sift through the the mangled pieces, find the black box and see if you can figure how how and when it all went wrong.
The problem for most people is that they're too upset at the end of a relationship to see things clearly. In my case, the biggest obstacle seems to be that I've never initiated ending a relationship, and I've never gotten a straight answer about why a relationship ended. I'm pretty sure no one ever actually tells anyone they ever cared about what it is about them that made them intolerable. It's tempting to tell myself that each of these young women just had some individual decision-making deficiency and that none of it was my fault, but I'm a dude acutely aware of his faults, even if they're not necessarily things I find too odious myself.
The truth of the matter is that it's never any one thing that kills a relationship. It's everything, in context, that makes a relationship fail. And all you can do to keep from making the same mistake over again is to avoid recreating those circumstances. The further you get from each relationship, the easier it is to boil each one down into a single pithy lesson for yourself to keep in the back of your mind. Let's go chronological instead of in order of importance. That would only depress everyone.
Summer of 2002: There's no such thing as having enough mental health for both sides of a relationship.
Spring of 2003: You can only keep the soft-edged first-date version of yourself going for so long before a girl starts to either resent your passivity or notice that you're lying.
Fall of 2003: Starting a relationship as a spiteful joke might be ill-advised.
Spring of 2004: Every relationship functions in a vacuum. A girl you don't want your friends to meet is bad news.
Summer of 2004: Stay away from ex-girlfriends when they're single.
Fall of 2004: Stay away from ex-girlfriends when they're drunk.
Summer of 2005: At some point, being the only reliable person in someone else's life becomes a burden for you and a source of resentment for them.
Winter 2005: Nervous awkwardness only lasts so long into the relationship. After a point, she's either mentally ill, or looking for the door.
Fall of 2007: Try to stay on task. A girl's not going to wait around forever.
Spring of 2008: Be careful of a girl who refuses to label things. Sometimes it's just jitters, but sometimes she just doesn't want to label you.
Fall of 2009: If you're a guy who wears a suit and tie to go buy cigarettes maybe "something casual" isn't right for you.
I haven't really managed to cobble those lessons together into a unified theory as yet, but I can at least smell those problems before they hit me again. I've got some extra time on my hands and money in my pocket. I'm ready to meet new problems. With any luck, they'll be small ones that will seem cute in retrospect.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free this Friday.
PostingID: 1965103455
Reply To This Post
The best you can hope from your love life, until you find the one that sticks, is to learn something from the flaming wreckage of every relationship. You sift through the the mangled pieces, find the black box and see if you can figure how how and when it all went wrong.
The problem for most people is that they're too upset at the end of a relationship to see things clearly. In my case, the biggest obstacle seems to be that I've never initiated ending a relationship, and I've never gotten a straight answer about why a relationship ended. I'm pretty sure no one ever actually tells anyone they ever cared about what it is about them that made them intolerable. It's tempting to tell myself that each of these young women just had some individual decision-making deficiency and that none of it was my fault, but I'm a dude acutely aware of his faults, even if they're not necessarily things I find too odious myself.
The truth of the matter is that it's never any one thing that kills a relationship. It's everything, in context, that makes a relationship fail. And all you can do to keep from making the same mistake over again is to avoid recreating those circumstances. The further you get from each relationship, the easier it is to boil each one down into a single pithy lesson for yourself to keep in the back of your mind. Let's go chronological instead of in order of importance. That would only depress everyone.
Summer of 2002: There's no such thing as having enough mental health for both sides of a relationship.
Spring of 2003: You can only keep the soft-edged first-date version of yourself going for so long before a girl starts to either resent your passivity or notice that you're lying.
Fall of 2003: Starting a relationship as a spiteful joke might be ill-advised.
Spring of 2004: Every relationship functions in a vacuum. A girl you don't want your friends to meet is bad news.
Summer of 2004: Stay away from ex-girlfriends when they're single.
Fall of 2004: Stay away from ex-girlfriends when they're drunk.
Summer of 2005: At some point, being the only reliable person in someone else's life becomes a burden for you and a source of resentment for them.
Winter 2005: Nervous awkwardness only lasts so long into the relationship. After a point, she's either mentally ill, or looking for the door.
Fall of 2007: Try to stay on task. A girl's not going to wait around forever.
Spring of 2008: Be careful of a girl who refuses to label things. Sometimes it's just jitters, but sometimes she just doesn't want to label you.
Fall of 2009: If you're a guy who wears a suit and tie to go buy cigarettes maybe "something casual" isn't right for you.
I haven't really managed to cobble those lessons together into a unified theory as yet, but I can at least smell those problems before they hit me again. I've got some extra time on my hands and money in my pocket. I'm ready to meet new problems. With any luck, they'll be small ones that will seem cute in retrospect.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free this Friday.
- Location: Suburban Minneapolis
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 | |
Monday, September 20, 2010
Book-Smart - Day 47
Date: 2010-09-20, 12:51AM CDT
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There was a time when I could say in all seriousness that the first and foremost reason that I didn't have a girlfriend was simply that I didn't know any girls. That is to say, there were no females with whom I spent any amount of time. The gender ratio of my immediate group of close friends has ebbed and flowed in the years since, peaking at something like 3/4 female, but seems to have reached a stable equilibrium roughly in line with the world as a whole. It's about 50/50 nowadays, which only makes sense, since nearly all my close friends are couples now. (Please don't read that last statement as an endorsement of the heteronormative paradigm.)
I also have a great deal more experience in observing other people's relationships than I have in being in a relationship myself, which any scientist will assure you is a much more reliable source of information.
I like to think that I have a pretty good understanding of women in general. At the same time, I recognize that, from a biological standpoint, at least "understanding women" is a lot more difficult than "understanding men." I can no longer recall the relevant figures, but there's a lot more active genetic code on the X chromosome than on the Y, which means that the ways in which men are different from women are much more predictable than the the ways in which one woman is different from another.
But, in any case, years of being around women without a fixed agenda has given me some useful knowledge.
I have at least a rudimentary understanding of how women's clothing sizes work, as well as the trends in sizing as it relates to specific retail chains.
I can, as necessary, make most necessary drug store/gas station purchases without complaint, embarrassment or needlessly specific instructions.
I have a borderline inappropriate wealth of knowledge and secondhand opinions on the various contraceptive options currently on the market.
I've developed a pretty good feel for when a problem being given voice is asking for a solution, or at least advice, and when to just respond with commiseration.
I can give a sincere opinion on your new haircut or shoes, or I can give a positive opinion. I usually know which to give.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free this Friday.
PostingID: 1963210098
Reply To This Post
There was a time when I could say in all seriousness that the first and foremost reason that I didn't have a girlfriend was simply that I didn't know any girls. That is to say, there were no females with whom I spent any amount of time. The gender ratio of my immediate group of close friends has ebbed and flowed in the years since, peaking at something like 3/4 female, but seems to have reached a stable equilibrium roughly in line with the world as a whole. It's about 50/50 nowadays, which only makes sense, since nearly all my close friends are couples now. (Please don't read that last statement as an endorsement of the heteronormative paradigm.)
I also have a great deal more experience in observing other people's relationships than I have in being in a relationship myself, which any scientist will assure you is a much more reliable source of information.
I like to think that I have a pretty good understanding of women in general. At the same time, I recognize that, from a biological standpoint, at least "understanding women" is a lot more difficult than "understanding men." I can no longer recall the relevant figures, but there's a lot more active genetic code on the X chromosome than on the Y, which means that the ways in which men are different from women are much more predictable than the the ways in which one woman is different from another.
But, in any case, years of being around women without a fixed agenda has given me some useful knowledge.
I have at least a rudimentary understanding of how women's clothing sizes work, as well as the trends in sizing as it relates to specific retail chains.
I can, as necessary, make most necessary drug store/gas station purchases without complaint, embarrassment or needlessly specific instructions.
I have a borderline inappropriate wealth of knowledge and secondhand opinions on the various contraceptive options currently on the market.
I've developed a pretty good feel for when a problem being given voice is asking for a solution, or at least advice, and when to just respond with commiseration.
I can give a sincere opinion on your new haircut or shoes, or I can give a positive opinion. I usually know which to give.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free this Friday.
- Location: Suburban Minneapolis
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 | |
Sunday, September 19, 2010
The Fall Season - Day 46
Date: 2010-09-19, 12:53AM CDT
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I asked a married friend of mine today, to suggest a topic for a Craigslist ad. She told me that she had never actually figured out how to date, and that all she wanted to do was go to movies and watch TV.
I realized that, to no small degree, that's true for me as well. While the point of posting a personals ad on Craigslist is, undoubtedly, to get a date, what I actually want is the part of the relationship that exists after the point when you "go on dates." I want to hang out and watch TV. So, logically, it would be nice if we wanted to watch the same TV.
To clarify, I'm not talking about the point in a relationship when no one has anything to say, and you sit in the same room, staring at a television and not speaking to each other. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that two people can avoid that point for a lifetime, though I realize that's more of a gamble than I can reasonably expect to make casting blindly into the ether of Craigslist; I'm just saying, I'd like to spend some quality time on the couch.
I have a soft spot for infomercials. In particular any product that cooks or otherwise prepares food is reliably entertaining, in an unobtrusive way that doesn't interfere with conversation. Programs about knives that cut through steel cans, or convection ovens that cook in half the time of the old way are always pleasant. That peculiar machine that cooks apparently any imaginable foodstuff into a brown semi-circular lump has always been fascinating to me.
I also enjoy re-runs of familiar sitcoms, or basically any project Aaron Sorkin was ever involved in. I went to college on the premise that I might some day be paid to write, so I have an affinity for scripted television that seems increasingly archaic and quaint in today's television landscape.
I'm not saying I won't watch any reality TV. I don't want to watch people cry or yell at each other, but the shows that are ostensibly season-long game shows are pretty palatable. The most recent season of Top Chef was good, notwithstanding the disappointingly small part Anthony Bourdain had in the episode in which he was a guest judge.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free next Friday. There's nothing on anyway.
PostingID: 1961745230
Reply To This Post
I asked a married friend of mine today, to suggest a topic for a Craigslist ad. She told me that she had never actually figured out how to date, and that all she wanted to do was go to movies and watch TV.
I realized that, to no small degree, that's true for me as well. While the point of posting a personals ad on Craigslist is, undoubtedly, to get a date, what I actually want is the part of the relationship that exists after the point when you "go on dates." I want to hang out and watch TV. So, logically, it would be nice if we wanted to watch the same TV.
To clarify, I'm not talking about the point in a relationship when no one has anything to say, and you sit in the same room, staring at a television and not speaking to each other. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that two people can avoid that point for a lifetime, though I realize that's more of a gamble than I can reasonably expect to make casting blindly into the ether of Craigslist; I'm just saying, I'd like to spend some quality time on the couch.
I have a soft spot for infomercials. In particular any product that cooks or otherwise prepares food is reliably entertaining, in an unobtrusive way that doesn't interfere with conversation. Programs about knives that cut through steel cans, or convection ovens that cook in half the time of the old way are always pleasant. That peculiar machine that cooks apparently any imaginable foodstuff into a brown semi-circular lump has always been fascinating to me.
I also enjoy re-runs of familiar sitcoms, or basically any project Aaron Sorkin was ever involved in. I went to college on the premise that I might some day be paid to write, so I have an affinity for scripted television that seems increasingly archaic and quaint in today's television landscape.
I'm not saying I won't watch any reality TV. I don't want to watch people cry or yell at each other, but the shows that are ostensibly season-long game shows are pretty palatable. The most recent season of Top Chef was good, notwithstanding the disappointingly small part Anthony Bourdain had in the episode in which he was a guest judge.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free next Friday. There's nothing on anyway.
- Location: Suburban Minneapolis
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 | |
Friday, September 17, 2010
Day of Atonement - Day 45
Date: 2010-09-18, 7:42AM CDT
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I don't have a fantastic track record with women, in general. And clearly some of the reason for it has been bad decision-making. But some measure of my lack of success with women seems to have been unavoidable. Just pure bad luck, or some unseen higher power working against me. So, despite the fact that I don't necessarily believe in either karma or YHWH, I thought today would be as good a day as any to clear the air betwixt me and lady-folk. Here's every bad thing I can remember doing. I mean, everything I can remember in the 5 minutes I'm willing to devote to this. But it covers girlfriends, friends, friend's girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, co-workers and roommates.
I'm sorry I bought you a hot-dog rotisserie instead of the steam-cleaner you wanted for your birthday.
I'm sorry I got boot prints on your retarded whale rug.
I'm sorry I answered my cell phone that one time while we were making out.
I'm sorry I kept calling your new boyfriend Jason even though that isn't his name.
I'm sorry for spending so much time trying to teach your parrots to say "I hate you."
I'm sorry I forgot to shower or shave before our first date.
I'm sorry I stopped calling or hanging out with you after the transit strike was over and I didn't need to stay the night on campus anymore.
I'm sorry I keep telling people that one time we hung out wasn't a date.
I'm sorry no one buys you drinks if we go to the bar together.
I'm sorry I didn't seem more upset when you broke up with me.
I'm sorry I dropped you that one time when I was trying to get you back home.
I'm sorry I told you that dip that I brought to your party was vegan.
I'm sorry I lit that hat you made for your boyfriend on fire.
I'm sorry I hit your boyfriend in the face with a 4-Square ball.
I'm sorry I keep telling people who haven't met you that you're a 12-foot-tall monster with arms like trees.
Anyway. I hope that clears things up.
I owe you a drink. I'm probably free next Friday.
PostingID: 1960336540
Reply To This Post
I don't have a fantastic track record with women, in general. And clearly some of the reason for it has been bad decision-making. But some measure of my lack of success with women seems to have been unavoidable. Just pure bad luck, or some unseen higher power working against me. So, despite the fact that I don't necessarily believe in either karma or YHWH, I thought today would be as good a day as any to clear the air betwixt me and lady-folk. Here's every bad thing I can remember doing. I mean, everything I can remember in the 5 minutes I'm willing to devote to this. But it covers girlfriends, friends, friend's girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, co-workers and roommates.
I'm sorry I bought you a hot-dog rotisserie instead of the steam-cleaner you wanted for your birthday.
I'm sorry I got boot prints on your retarded whale rug.
I'm sorry I answered my cell phone that one time while we were making out.
I'm sorry I kept calling your new boyfriend Jason even though that isn't his name.
I'm sorry for spending so much time trying to teach your parrots to say "I hate you."
I'm sorry I forgot to shower or shave before our first date.
I'm sorry I stopped calling or hanging out with you after the transit strike was over and I didn't need to stay the night on campus anymore.
I'm sorry I keep telling people that one time we hung out wasn't a date.
I'm sorry no one buys you drinks if we go to the bar together.
I'm sorry I didn't seem more upset when you broke up with me.
I'm sorry I dropped you that one time when I was trying to get you back home.
I'm sorry I told you that dip that I brought to your party was vegan.
I'm sorry I lit that hat you made for your boyfriend on fire.
I'm sorry I hit your boyfriend in the face with a 4-Square ball.
I'm sorry I keep telling people who haven't met you that you're a 12-foot-tall monster with arms like trees.
Anyway. I hope that clears things up.
I owe you a drink. I'm probably free next Friday.
- Location: Suburban Minneapolis
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 | |
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Good advice - Day 44
Date: 2010-09-16, 7:44PM CDT
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If you don't begin dating until your early 20s, your personal life becomes a subject of interest for your friends. That causes some complications, but what it also leads to, is a lot of advice. And, in all likelihood, much better advice than you'd have gotten from your friends when they were in their teens. I've been trying to remember all the most memorable advice I've gotten on women, be it from friends, relatives, casual enemies or ex-girlfriends. I'm pretty sure the most memorable isn't always the best advice, but here's what I came up with.
"You have to stop chasing after girls that are going to cheat on you."
"Only hang out with girls who will let you see them naked. It's crass, but an effective rule of thumb to have. Especially for you."
"Don't tell girls what's in your head. I mean, I don't know, maybe what's in your head is good, but what's in my head is awful."
"Let a girl finish her sentence."
"You should turn off your brain on dates."
"Girls like to dance."
"Quit being an asshole."
"Dames is grief."
"You should date the currency exchange girl at the airport."
"The problem with dating a stripper isn't that she get's naked for money, it's that she hates her dad."
"Cut your hair and shave."
"It's all about making a nice moment. And I'm gay for saying it."
Really, it's pure dumb luck that I can deal with women as well as I can.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free this Friday.
PostingID: 1958076842
Reply To This Post
If you don't begin dating until your early 20s, your personal life becomes a subject of interest for your friends. That causes some complications, but what it also leads to, is a lot of advice. And, in all likelihood, much better advice than you'd have gotten from your friends when they were in their teens. I've been trying to remember all the most memorable advice I've gotten on women, be it from friends, relatives, casual enemies or ex-girlfriends. I'm pretty sure the most memorable isn't always the best advice, but here's what I came up with.
"You have to stop chasing after girls that are going to cheat on you."
"Only hang out with girls who will let you see them naked. It's crass, but an effective rule of thumb to have. Especially for you."
"Don't tell girls what's in your head. I mean, I don't know, maybe what's in your head is good, but what's in my head is awful."
"Let a girl finish her sentence."
"You should turn off your brain on dates."
"Girls like to dance."
"Quit being an asshole."
"Dames is grief."
"You should date the currency exchange girl at the airport."
"The problem with dating a stripper isn't that she get's naked for money, it's that she hates her dad."
"Cut your hair and shave."
"It's all about making a nice moment. And I'm gay for saying it."
Really, it's pure dumb luck that I can deal with women as well as I can.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free this Friday.
- Location: Suburban Minneapolis
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 | |
These aren't the boys you're looking for. Move along. - Day 43
Date: 2010-09-16, 12:11AM CDT
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I've never owned, or even read a comic book in its entirety. The last time I purchased a video game system was over ten years ago. I don't have a ponytail or drink off-brand Dr Pepper from 2-liter bottles while I read things on the internet.
That being said, there were times in my life when, without question, those were my people. I carry the scars, and I could still probably recite credits scrawl of all three Star Wars movies. (That's right, I said three, and I meant three.) The thing about growing up nerd is that the vast majority of us grow out of it. And while it wasn't the case with me, most of us force our way out of it to meet girls.
It's not that aren't girls in nerd culture; it's just that they're exceedingly rare, and therefore hugely inflated in value. Which is why, no matter how much you might dig girls who have strong opinions about Greedo shooting first, they are, by and large, totally undateable. It's not their fault. Spending your adolescence being fawned over by a group of six to eight pale, socially inept borderline autistics will always warp a young lady's worldview and leave her lacking in a few key coping mechanisms. If all you ever had to do to get the attention of the opposite sex was to snap your fingers and quote a few lines of Douglas Adams, it's understandable that you might wind up a little self-involved and short on basic social graces.
But like I said, most of us, who grew up as nerds, escape. Some of us just turned into normal, contributing members of society. Some of us went hipster, a few turned to rock-a-billy, which I'm sure we can all agree is a lateral move at best. The point is, the recovering nerd girls are still pretty awesome. They all seem to have gotten long-term service industry jobs and tattoos of "Slave 1." And, for the most part, they've proven socially resilient enough to have a conversation about books, or music, unless I'm drunk and someone says something about Captain Picard being better than Captain Kirk and I have to shout at them, in which case they usually have some cogent insight. And I find it charming.
I'm really hoping this ad doesn't result in a bunch of responses from LARPers and Renaissance Faire employees, though. That would just bum everyone out.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free this Friday.
PostingID: 1956564076
Reply To This Post
I've never owned, or even read a comic book in its entirety. The last time I purchased a video game system was over ten years ago. I don't have a ponytail or drink off-brand Dr Pepper from 2-liter bottles while I read things on the internet.
That being said, there were times in my life when, without question, those were my people. I carry the scars, and I could still probably recite credits scrawl of all three Star Wars movies. (That's right, I said three, and I meant three.) The thing about growing up nerd is that the vast majority of us grow out of it. And while it wasn't the case with me, most of us force our way out of it to meet girls.
It's not that aren't girls in nerd culture; it's just that they're exceedingly rare, and therefore hugely inflated in value. Which is why, no matter how much you might dig girls who have strong opinions about Greedo shooting first, they are, by and large, totally undateable. It's not their fault. Spending your adolescence being fawned over by a group of six to eight pale, socially inept borderline autistics will always warp a young lady's worldview and leave her lacking in a few key coping mechanisms. If all you ever had to do to get the attention of the opposite sex was to snap your fingers and quote a few lines of Douglas Adams, it's understandable that you might wind up a little self-involved and short on basic social graces.
But like I said, most of us, who grew up as nerds, escape. Some of us just turned into normal, contributing members of society. Some of us went hipster, a few turned to rock-a-billy, which I'm sure we can all agree is a lateral move at best. The point is, the recovering nerd girls are still pretty awesome. They all seem to have gotten long-term service industry jobs and tattoos of "Slave 1." And, for the most part, they've proven socially resilient enough to have a conversation about books, or music, unless I'm drunk and someone says something about Captain Picard being better than Captain Kirk and I have to shout at them, in which case they usually have some cogent insight. And I find it charming.
I'm really hoping this ad doesn't result in a bunch of responses from LARPers and Renaissance Faire employees, though. That would just bum everyone out.
I'm Dan. I'm probably free this Friday.
- Location: Suburban Minneapolis
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 | |
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